


I Want A Love Like You Made Me Feel

by KassandraScarlett



Series: My Trembling Soul and Your Scarred Heart [3]
Category: Doctor Strange (2016), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Background Relationships, Emotional Hurt, F/M, Female Tony Stark, Heartbreak, One-Sided Relationship, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-16
Updated: 2019-02-22
Packaged: 2019-09-20 10:17:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17020806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KassandraScarlett/pseuds/KassandraScarlett
Summary: An AU spin-off to Waiting In The Wings.CW never happens. Tony and Steve get married. Stephen packs.





	1. Chapter 1

  The door flew open with a walking hurricane speaking at the top of her voice. "What the _FUCK_? Like, what the _ACTUAL_ fuck? I go to review the guests list, and your name isn't there? Then Pepper tells me you've _CANCELLED_? So, I fly here to slap some sense into you, and Wong tries to fucking _STOP_ me and then he says that you're _LEAVING_ \- what are you doing?"

  Stephen flinched at the sudden blankness of Toni's voice. This was exactly what he'd wanted to avoid.

  "Hey, Toni," he said quietly.

  "Stephen?" Toni took in the scene in the room: the closet open and empty, half of the clothes haphazardly thrown on the bed, the other half neatly folded in a suitcase.

  "I... I, uh... I have to go to Kamar-Taj, for some... Uh, something to do as an instructor..." He trailed off, as Toni met his eyes, her face set in confusion.

  "Why, why now? You can stay for the wedding, right? They can survive without you for one week more. Or... Or, if you can be back within the month, maybe I can convince Steve to push back the wedding a bit..."

  "No."

  Toni paused. "No," she repeated blankly. "No, they need you _ASAP_ , or, no, you can't come back within the month?"

  "No, they need me there right now."

  "Oh. Well, okay then, like I said-"

  "And no, I can't come back so soon."

  She blinked, with a scowl, and God, he wanted to smooth his finger over her brow, kiss away her frustration and cool her down. "So when? When are you coming back?"

  Stephen bit his lips without answering and watched realization set in, followed closely by horror.

  "You aren't," she whispered softly. "You aren't coming back."

  He shook his head.

  "Why?" When he didn't reply, she walked forward and grabbed his collar fiercely. "Why?" She demanded, making him look at her. "What's wrong? What happened? Whatever it is, we can fix it, I'm sure. Just tell me."

  Stephen tried to pull away, tried to pry her fingers off. "Toni, no, it's nothing you can do."

  That was the wrong thing to say. Toni's hands fell away and she took a step back. "It's me," she mumbled, paling considerably. "It's me, isn't it?"

  "No!" He denied vehemently. "No, Toni, this isn't... It's not your fault. It's nobody's. You have to believe that."

  She eyed him warily. "Then, why can't I help?"

  "Because, there's nothing you can do," he repeated. _Short of cancelling the wedding, that is_.

  Toni seemed to have trouble accepting her helplessness, so Stephen interrupted her thoughts before she cooked up an elaborate scheme to keep him in New York. "Have you got your ' _something blue_ ', yet?"

  She started. "Wh- yeah, I guess? I was just going to wear that necklace from Aunt Peggy?"

  Stephen hesitated, before walking over to the bedside table. Pulling the drawer open, he brought out a small wooden box. Turning around, he extended it to Toni with a tremulous smile. "I have an alternative, if you want to wear it to the- the wedding."

  She took it, her shoulders trembling with what he could identify as stifled sobs. Opening it gingerly, there was no denying the curiosity in her eyes as she lifted the small velvet pouch inside it, curiosity that turned into awe and understanding when the object inside it tumbled into her waiting palm.

  He waited nervously, as she gazed down at the seemingly innocuous object, her head bent, so he couldn't read her face.

  "It's not- I know, it doesn't look special, but it's got- it's embued with enchantments. It'll protect the wearer from most magical influences- malicious ones, I mean. I mean, you don't have to wear it as part of the wedding ceremony rule, but- well, you'd been worried about that Maximoff girl and I thought-" his words stumbled to stop when Toni extended the object towards him, and held her right hand out, palm facing downward in an unmistakable gesture.

  Trembling, he grasped the offered hand and managed to slip the ring onto her third finger. When he looked back, Toni was already staring at him and Stephen made the mistake of holding her gaze.

  Everything he felt was written over his face in that moment of weakness and, their hands still twined together, Toni uttered a single, "Oh," and something in him shattered.

  He looked away instantly, guilt wracking him without relent.

  "Stephen-"

  "I'm sorry," he said, closing his eyes tight. "I don't- I mean, I know you- it's not- it's- I just-"

  There was a gentle pressure on his cheek, stopping him from pulling away.

  "Stephen."

  The low voice had him blinking his eyes open. Toni was standing close enough for him to feel her breath and he could see the tears she was blinking back.

  "Why didn't you tell me before?" She asked, her voice shaking.

  He swallowed. "I didn't know then."

  "You could have still told me later," she cried. "We could have- I might have..."

  "Toni," he interrupted her this time. "He made you happy. I wasn't going to take that away."

  "Why not?"

  "Because I love you, you stupid genius," he murmured, letting go of her hand to tuck her hair back. "I love you. And that's why I have to go."

  She suddenly hugged him tight, her arms wound around his neck, and he clutched at her small, strong frame like a lifeline, well aware that his confession changed nothing.

  "Will I ever see you again?"

  "I don't know."

  She moved back, not letting go of him. Burning brown eyes met cold blue ones and Stephen knew what she was going to do before she did it.

  Full lips met his and he greeted the kiss with everything he had, pouring all of his love, his pain and longing, into it. Her fingers were buried in his hair and he pressed her as close he dared, as close as he could handle.

  When she pulled away, he couldn't tell whether the salt on his tongue was from his tears or hers.

  She walked backwards, never breaking eye contact. "I'm sorry," she said. She didn't give him a chance to reply. "Just keep in touch. If you can. Please. I know you're not going to, but... Please."

  The door shut on her tear-stained face and Stephen collapsed on the bed, silently weeping with loss and heartache.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Earth is under attack. Stephen comes back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided I wanted a happy ending for them, even in a spin-off. 
> 
> :)

  Bruce Banner fell through the roof, into Kamar-Taj, stuttered out a name, a warning and a story, and Stephen Strange was left with no choice.

  “Toni,” he called out, stepping through the portal into Central Park. He ignored the clench of his heart as he saw her in person for the first time in three years. Not news channels. Not magazine articles. Not in his astral form, hovering over her hospital bed as she recovered from the Civil War, with fire burning through her veins and a star lodged in her chest. No, this was face to face, something he’d never thought he’d have again. “I need you to come with me.”

  The hurt, angry look in her eyes didn’t help matters. Nor did the way she avoided his eyes in the Sanctum.

  Then Ebony Maw arrived, kidnapped him, and Toni, _brilliant_ , _reckless_ , and _self-sacrificing_ Toni, took after him.

 

* * *

 

  "I am not letting you pilot this ship straight to Thanos!” 

  “I'm not risking Earth!”

  “I'm not risking you!”

  There was a short silence, then Toni stepped into his space. The last time they’d been this close, he was saying goodbye. The memory of her kiss drifted to the forefront of his mind and he pushed it back, as Toni said, “You think I want to risk you? Or Peter? We don’t have a choice here. You saw what they can do, can you imagine how many people will die if this plays out on earth? Wakanda is only our last line of defence.”

  He hated that she was right. But his eyes caught on her hand as she gesticulated desperately, and there, still nestled over her third finger, was the ring he’d given her before leaving. And he couldn’t say ' _no_ '.

 

* * *

 

  The 973 timelines she’d died in were burned into the back of his eyelids. The betrayal in her eyes, the sheer _pain_ , as he faded away, almost made him regret his choice. Almost.

  But he was a selfish man where she was concerned.

 

* * *

 

  She punched him, just hard enough that he felt it, when he returned from the Soul World. But then she kissed him in the next second, and it knocked the wind out of him more effectively than any blow could have.

  “Don’t- you absolute fucker- how could- I should just-“ Every sentence she tried to start fizzled out, even if her anger was palpable in the set of her mouth.

  “I love you,” he blurted out. “I know it seemed like I’d abandoned you, and I'm _sorry_ , but I swear I didn’t. And I know it’s Edward Cullen levels of inappropriate, but I kept an eye on you. I was _always_ there, I just didn’t let you see me. And I know it’s been three years, and even though you and Rogers are, you know, _over_ , that doesn’t mean you want me, but you did just kiss me, so I’m hoping that means something, because, _fuck_ , Toni, I haven’t been able to do more than just _not_ _think_ about you, and I don’t think I can just go away again-“

  She kissed him again, fingers scrambling to grip the front of his tunic, and this time, he kissed back, feverish and bruising in intensity. In that moment, the sun could have exploded, the world could have been under a second attack, or Loki could have decided to get his revenge right then for the portal trick earlier; Stephen wouldn’t have cared.

  “I should have realized,” Toni hissed, breaking away for an instant. “I was an _idiot_. You had to fucking _die_ for me to get it, _fuck_ , how could I be so _stupid_? Stephen,” she swallowed, catching her breath. “ _I love you._ ”

  And there were tears glinting in her eyes, blood and bruises decorating her face in equal measures, dust and grime all over her, but Stephen kissed her a third time, and decided she was the most beautiful sight in the world.

**Author's Note:**

> The ring Stephen gave her: https://pin.it/4ylylebem3ifhd
> 
> My Tumblr: bad-days-and-beautiful-nights


End file.
